Monday Morning Armchair Quarterback, Regular Season, Week 9 #football #funny @meganslayer

We managed to win against the Colts. Wasn’t pretty. Wasn’t easy. At least the trade between the Bengals and the Browns to get rid of McCarron didn’t go through. TYG

Let’s launch right into the Honorable Mentions because it’s time to laugh:

“Draws the defense inside and they get comfy in there.” 

Quaint.

“They’ve done it all different ways.”

Is there any other method?

“The center just rises up.”

I assume that’s where he wants it to go.

“0-2 for deep shots.”

That’s bad. Poor him.

Now for the Quotes from Week 9. Sometimes…yeah, just think before you speak. This is live TV.

“Went deep in the play.”

He needed to keep it strung out.

“Up the gut.”

He broke that 0-2 streak.

“Brought more people to the line.”

Conga!

“Coming around on a pull.”

I want photos of that.

 

“Threw off the angles of pursuit.”

But no one’s complaining.

Now for the Doozy of the Week. There is always one quote that just…blows the mind. This one is a real ringer. 

“Opened things up for him.”

A fluffer!

~ ~ ~

Side notes:

• Once they get stuck on a word, like lumber, they don’t stop.
• Once they pick a favorite, they don’t budge. I guess they’re all stuck in ruts.

**Here’s to a good season, less CTE, more great plays and lots of fun! My Bengals are starting to look better. Whew. Oh, and WHO DEY!**

Andy Dalton, #14, Quarterback for the Cincinnati Bengals

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Monday Morning Armchair Quarterback, Regular Season, Week 8 #football #funny @meganslayer

Well…this hasn’t been the best of weeks for my team. Not good. The game…wasn’t good. But there will be another. Always is until the end of the season.

Let’s launch right into the Honorable Mentions because it’s time to laugh:

“Squatted on that route.” 

Gross.

“Gonna go over your head.”

Better than in your eye.

“When he goes to the left side, he goes into the slot.”

I assume that’s where he wants it to go.

“A lot of leg on it.”

And they’ll feel it in the morning.

Now for the Quotes from Week 8. Sometimes…yeah, just think before you speak. This is live TV.

“Rips it out.”

Better than leaving it in too long.

“Got good penetration.”

Yet, he ripped it out. Hmm.

“Explosion to the second level.”

Now he’s working for level three and a high score.

“Just barely fits in there.”

Because he’s trying to fit it in there.

“Backs continue to mount.”

Orgy! Orgy! Orgy!

“Undersized in the middle.”

But no one’s complaining.

Now for the Doozy of the Week. There is always one quote that just…blows the mind. This one is a real ringer. 

“Tamp him on the butt and say let’s go do it here again.”

At least they have a plan.

~ ~ ~

Side notes:

• Gruden’s Man Crush? Clowney and his big body. Get a room.
• Why do the announcers only talk about the Steelers? There are more teams than just that one. They’re having issues and aren’t number one over all… find someone else for a change.

**Here’s to a good season, less CTE, more great plays and lots of fun! My Bengals are starting to look better. Whew. Oh, and WHO DEY!**

Andy Dalton, #14, Quarterback for the Cincinnati Bengals

By Melissa Batson (Own work) [CC-BY-SA-3.0

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Monday Morning Armchair Quarterback, Regular Season, Week 7 #football #funny @meganslayer

Gotta love football. The fun, the games, the excitement… I can’t get enough. I’ve watched the other games, but not my Bengals. Why? It seems to be working for them when I don’t watch, but take in the other games, so I’m going with it. Yes, I’m superstitious. Grin.

Let’s launch right into the Honorable Mentions because it’s time to laugh:

“Moved out of the box; brings it.” 

Where is he taking it to?

“Using a bunch of tight ends.”

Because he doesn’t believe in one and done.

“Just flips it out there.”

He’s the favorite for a reason.

“Wearing on you and eventually pull away.”

Is that like wearing you down? Then changing his mind? I’m not sure.

Now for the Quotes from Week 7. Sometimes…yeah, just think before you speak. This is live TV.

“Snap it out; strung it out.”

Then do-se-do. Whoop!

“Rotating a lot of bodies.”

He plows through until he finds the right one.

“All that handing off; their splitting.”

That’s too bad. They’re good together. I wish they could’ve made it work.

“Fakes it hard, held onto it, releases it.”

Because he wants to tease until the climax is past due.

“He comes inside.”

Because he finally let them have the orgasm.

“I didn’t get much meat in there.”

Then find another guy. Fill out the meat portion. It’s not hard. Duh.

Now for the Doozy of the Week. There is always one quote that just…blows the mind. This one is a real ringer. 

“Rubbin’ one off.”

In the middle of the field? Really? With everyone watching? What a kink! I bet he’s popular.

~ ~ ~

Side notes:

• Gruden sure got stuck on Clowney. He’s a great player, but good grief, you’d think they were dating. At least that Gruden had a serious Joe Buck style crush.
• Why does every commentator have to compare every team to the Steelers? There are other teams out there. The Steelers have been good, but come on. Compare to the Patriors, the Bears or anyone else.
• Another thing…when the clips are shown, why does every team have to be shown playing against the Bengals or Browns? Again, there are other teams and I’m sure not every team has their best plays against those two teams. Showing the highlights of another team playing the Browns isn’t fair–the Browns aren’t that great. Make the highlights come from a good game, not a rout.

**Here’s to a good season, less CTE, more great plays and lots of fun! My Bengals are starting to look better. Whew. Oh, and WHO DEY!**

Andy Dalton, #14, Quarterback for the Cincinnati Bengals

By Melissa Batson (Own work) [CC-BY-SA-3.0

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Monday Morning Armchair Quarterback, Regular Season, Week 6 #football #funny @meganslayer

The Bengals had an off week, which could be good…could be bad. Depends. It does appear the new OC is helping, so let’s hope it continues to do so. The Browns lost…no shock there. I wish they’d get everything some kind of sorted out. Ah…eventually, right?Let’s launch right into the Honorable Mentions because it’s time to laugh:

“Impossibly flexible.” 

I want to see pictures. Demonstrations.

“Gigantic Ball.”

Let’s hope there’s nothing wrong with it.

“He got lathered up.”

For? Details, man!

“Intended for the tight end–deflected.”

Guess he didn’t want it after all.

Now for the Quotes from Week 5. Sometimes…yeah, just think before you speak. This is live TV.

“Couldn’t handle it.”

Then deflect it.

“Gotta get that thing back down there.”

It’s out of control!!

“Takes him inside, then goes all the way back outside.”

Tease.

“Grabs him from behind.”

Must be tired of being teased.

“His hands are so good.”

That’s why he’s the favorite.

“Little grabs everywhere.”

Someone put a leash on him! Uncalled for.

Now for the Doozy of the Week. There is always one quote that just…blows the mind. This one is a real ringer. 

“He can be streaky.”

Um…is he glass cleaner? Toilet cleaner? Why else would he be streaky? Just asking.

~ ~ ~

Side notes:

• When Collinsworth gets stuck on a team/player, he’s stuck. Is he turning into Joe Buck?
• The commentators sure enjoy second-guessing the refs. They make dumb calls, don’t get me wrong, but not EVERY call is wrong.
• What is it with certain players/teams getting away with cheap shots, hard hits and really uncool actions, while others don’t? Hmm…. Is Goodell being paid off? Makes one wonder…

**Here’s to a good season, less CTE, more great plays and lots of fun! I haven’t thrown in the towel on the Bengals, but good grief, we’ve got to start looking better. Sheesh. Oh, and WHO DEY!**

Andy Dalton, #14, Quarterback for the Cincinnati Bengals

By Melissa Batson (Own work) [CC-BY-SA-3.0

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Monday Morning Armchair Quarterback, Regular Season, Week 4 #football #funny @meganslayer

Well, I didn’t watch the win since the household decided to not watch football – I watched some anyway because…it’s football and I love my sport – for the time being, but the Bengals pulled one off. Okay, so it was against the Browns. I actually thought it would be a decent match up. Maybe I was the only one. Shrugs. It’s still a win and we needed that.

To celebrate the win, let’s get to the quotes!! Here are the ones from last week and a few from week 2.

“He wants to spread it out on each snap.” 

He must be the Fonz.

“Took it right in the drops.”

I’ve never heard of it that way, but if that’s the new slang…the drops.

“A had penetration, but B finished the job.”

So DP, but A never finished?

“Just physical contact and not a blow.”

I think you need physical contact for the blow, but if it’s just straight doin’ it, then just physical contact would be right.

Now for the Quotes from Week 4. Sometimes…yeah, just think before you speak. This is live TV.

“Vertical presence at the tight end position.”

That’s a salute, that is.

“Poke him in the eye…ya come right back.”

Or you get decked.

“No one playing better in the red zone.”

That’s not what she said.

“Lingered a little over him.”

Making sure it’s good to the last drop.

“They wanted Gore, they got more Gore.”

Was it messy or the man?

“Got a body on him.”

Like, the guy is bigger or that’s just how much…er…body…he’s got? These things need to be explained and illustrated better.

Now for the Doozy of the Week. There is always one quote that just…blows the mind. This one is a real ringer. 

“Trying to fit the hole.”

It’s rather important the player fits the hole. The play certainly isn’t more fun if it’s too small or WAY too big. Just sayin’.

~ ~ ~

Side notes:

• Someone explain to me why Collinsworth is so infatuated with checks. He checked everything on the screen!
• Who was Gruden’s Go To? Evan Engram. Couldn’t stop talking about him. Oh and Matt Stafford being worth the money. Reminded me of a certain Musburger moment.
• We don’t need Gruden to state the obvious. It’s a catch. We saw that. But the thing about Gruden…once he states the obvious, he NEVER expands on it. Okay, so WHY was that team bad in the red zone last year? If you’re going to talk, make it make sense.

**Here’s to a good season, less CTE, more great plays and lots of fun! I haven’t thrown in the towel on the Bengals, but good grief, we’ve got to start looking better. Sheesh. Oh, and WHO DEY!**

Andy Dalton, #14, Quarterback for the Cincinnati Bengals

By Melissa Batson (Own work) [CC-BY-SA-3.0

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Monday Morning Armchair Quarterback, Regular Season, Week 2 #football #funny @meganslayer

Who is going to beat the Bengals? Apparently the Ravens and the Texans. Oy…’tis been a tough week for the Bengal fans. At least we weren’t shut out of the second game. Still, it’s a bit painful.

So to easy my pain, how about the funny quotes of the week? These are all honorable mentions because so I can gather the second week quotes! 🙂 Next week…it’s game on. (I hope.)

Let’s get started.

“Came into the kiss.” 

Interesting.

“They pounded him.”

Maybe that’s what he wanted.

“Applying the pressure.”

Of course. They’re pounding him.

“Bang the round.”

So he’s part of a group getting pounding…gotcha.

Now for the Quotes from Week 2. Oh boy. Those sports casters really need to think before they speak. 

“They’ll rush three and drop eight so they’ll clog up the middle.”

Or it’s just a group thing and strategy.

“Going right after him in the slot.”

Hope they cleaned up after each other.

“He blew everyone away.”

Because he’s great in that slot.

“The tight end brought in from Indy.”

Sounds like he was a special order.

“Spread wide and to the right”

For those who need more direction for their play.

“He doesn’t go out ad could go all the way”

Isn’t that the point?

Now for the Doozy of the Week. There is always one quote that just…blows the mind. This one is a real ringer. 

“He’s a load inside.”

Yes, yes he is. He’s all man and I’m glad you noticed. Nothing like an observant commentator.

~ ~ ~

Side notes:

• Someone explain to me the infatuation Collinsworth has with butts. He loves to draw on butts.
• Why is Collinsworth obsessed with saying “Keeping Brady clean”? Will he wilt if he gets dirty? Inquiring minds want to know.
• Oh and four interceptions for Dalton during the Ravens game. Good job. At least he didn’t have any during the Texans game and they were only at a four point deficit.

**Here’s to a good season, less CTE, more great plays and lots of fun! Oh, and WHO DEY!**

Andy Dalton, #14, Quarterback for the Cincinnati Bengals

By Melissa Batson (Own work) [CC-BY-SA-3.0

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Monday Morning Armchair Quarterback, Regular Season, Week 1 #football #funny @meganslayer

This is the first week of the regular season and whoopie!! Football!! I’m excited and a little nervous. Hey, the first time is always nerve-wracking. Hehe.

Now that the season has started, here are the remainder preseason quotes. These are all honorable mentions because so I can gather the official first week quotes! 🙂 Next week…it’s game on.

Let’s get started.

“Can’t lead with tight ends.” 

Who says?

“Immensely gifted.”

Well, if he’s one of those tight ends…I want to see for myself.

“He’s a pocket pleaser.”

Yeah, we need to see this one…for study.

“Really deep in the receiver position.”

He’s aiming to please.

“Uneven match up.”

Depends on how you look at it.

“Came with a big stick”

For those tight ends.

“They got a two tight end set.”

For the guy with the big stick.

“A whole lot of man.”

That’s one way of describing him. Hehehe.

~ ~ ~

Well, those are the quotes from the  rest week.

Here’s to a good season, less CTE, more great plays and lots of fun! Oh, and WHO DEY!

Andy Dalton, #14, Quarterback for the Cincinnati Bengals

By Melissa Batson (Own work) [CC-BY-SA-3.0

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Monday Morning Armchair Quarterback, Preseason Week 4 #football #funny @meganslayer

The powers that be are arguing as to whether there should be four weeks of preseason or if it should be shorter. My quick answer is that I want football now… but my longer answer is this – the teams need more time, especially in-game time, to figure out who should stay and who might not be the best fit. They need the real-world experiences to test the players.  My Bengals haven’t fared well win-wise during the preseason and they managed to get John Ross hurt. Grr. But, Mixon looked good and hopefully Dalton will have the rust knocked off by the first week…which has two games in it because the Bengals are overachievers!!

Until the season starts, here are the preseason quotes. There were a few goodies from the second week that didn’t quite make the cut last time around, but they’re here now! Let’s get started.

“Not being able to find protection.” 

Trojans aren’t that hard to find…

“Everybody’s manned up on the inside.”

I bet that’s stuffed!

“Extends it out.”

Well, yeah, because everyone’s on the inside.

“Quick hips.”

He’s aiming to please.

“I remember when the #9 used to deliver a blow.”

As opposed to using his quick hips.

Now for those wonderful quotes this week from the various preseason games. You won’t want to miss these.

“Fires to a wide-open player.”

Better than handing off to one who is busy.

“Uneven matchup.”

Missed the wide open one, didn’t you?

“In the red zone, you don’t need that much, but you take what you need.”

I’m sure he can find satisfaction…eventually.

“Power edge.”

Someone took the bdsm slant this week.

“A lot of pressure from within.”

Because it’s still super full.

“Immensely gifted.”

That must be how he can get so much pressure on the inside.

And now for the Doozy of the Week…this is the one that had me scratching my head the longest or was just so far out there…I couldn’t believe it. Ready?

“He’s a better pocket pleaser.”

That’s why we keep him around. He knows how to make everyone happy.

~ ~ ~

Well, those are the quotes from the third week of the madness.

Here’s to a good season, less CTE, more great plays and lots of fun! Oh, and WHO DEY!

Andy Dalton, #14, Quarterback for the Cincinnati Bengals

By Melissa Batson (Own work) [CC-BY-SA-3.0

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Monday Morning Armchair Quarterback, Preseason Week 3 #football #funny @meganslayer

It’s high time the season gets started. I’m all for preseason, but come on. I need the regular season to get here! It’s time.  Until I get my way, it’s time for the preseason quotes. There were a few goodies from the second week that didn’t quite make the cut last time around, but they’re here now! Let’s get started.

“Looks more powerful coming forward.” 

Is that like 3-D…it’s coming right at you?

“Shootin’ the gaps.”

Better to aim at them, than around them.

“I see more of his power.”

Now that he’s here, yep, you can see more of his…er…power.

“Check the release times.”

He’s on a timer? Interesting. Or very BDSM-y. 🙂

“A lot to clean up.”

Well, if he’s all messy, then it goes without saying.

Now for those wonderful quotes this week from the various preseason games. You won’t want to miss these.

“Get deep because they can see more.”

Better than shallow and unsatisfied.

“Powerful lower body.”

If he’s going to get deep, then he’d better be powerful.

“He didn’t get as much as he wants.”

I’m sure he can find satisfaction.

“Will give him as much as he can handle.”

See? They’re pacing him.

“Short underneath.”

Nope. Just a bad camera angle.

“Sack Master.”

See? I told you it was just a bad camera angle.

And now for the Doozy of the Week…this is the one that had me scratching my head the longest or was just so far out there…I couldn’t believe it. Ready?

“Take a little bit and drop it in over the top.”

Sounds like a puppy pile to me, but might be fun.

~ ~ ~

Well, those are the quotes from the third week of the madness.

Here’s to a good season, less CTE, more great plays and lots of fun! Oh, and WHO DEY!

Andy Dalton, #14, Quarterback for the Cincinnati Bengals

By Melissa Batson (Own work) [CC-BY-SA-3.0

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Monday Morning Armchair Quarterback ~ Preseason, Week 2 #football @meganslayer

Still haven’t seen my Bengals this season, but it won’t be long before I do. I’ll get there.  Until then, it’s time for the preseason quotes. There were a few goodies from the first week that didn’t quite make the cut last time around, but they’re here now! Let’s get started.

“He’s as fast as they come.” 

Which is why he’s a favorite.

“From the money pocket.”

He moved fast, which is why he found that money pocket so fast.

“A wobbly one.”

He swings low, sweet chariot.

“Tight splits.”

Hmm…bring lube.

“Playing with his hands.”

Got to work in those tight splits somehow.

Now for those wonderful quotes this week from the various preseason games. You won’t want to miss these.

“Cannot have penetration in the backfield”

He wants it all in the front field.

“Gotta slide and get your body around it.”

We’re back to those tight splits, eh? Sounds more like wrestling.

“We gotta check that and get the ball tucked away so it doesn’t get out.”

If he’s the guy who is swinging low, then yeah, you might want to tuck that back in.

“Undersized but has a little wiggle to him.”

He’s popular…

“We’ve got to pick it up; they’ve had their way with us for too long.”

Sure do if you want to keep things even.

“A lot of length on their line.”

If it’s a suck line, then it might be worth it. Gotta try every one.

And now for the Doozy of the Week…this is the one that had me scratching my head the longest or was just so far out there…I couldn’t believe it. Ready?

“Loves to use tight ends in the offense.”

Well, if there are lines and lengths, then you’ve got to use them as an offense. Got to have something between you and the rest of the team.

Well, those are the first week of the madness. Technically the second week, but it’s the first week of full action. Here’s to a good season, less CTE, more great plays and lots of fun! Oh, and WHO DEY!

Andy Dalton, #14, Quarterback for the Cincinnati Bengals

By Melissa Batson (Own work) [CC-BY-SA-3.0

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