Monday Morning Armchair Quarterback, Regular Season, Week 6 #football #funny @meganslayer

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The Bengals had an off week, which could be good…could be bad. Depends. It does appear the new OC is helping, so let’s hope it continues to do so. The Browns lost…no shock there. I wish they’d get everything some kind of sorted out. Ah…eventually, right?Let’s launch right into the Honorable Mentions because it’s time to laugh:

“Impossibly flexible.” 

I want to see pictures. Demonstrations.

“Gigantic Ball.”

Let’s hope there’s nothing wrong with it.

“He got lathered up.”

For? Details, man!

“Intended for the tight end–deflected.”

Guess he didn’t want it after all.

Now for the Quotes from Week 5. Sometimes…yeah, just think before you speak. This is live TV.

“Couldn’t handle it.”

Then deflect it.

“Gotta get that thing back down there.”

It’s out of control!!

“Takes him inside, then goes all the way back outside.”

Tease.

“Grabs him from behind.”

Must be tired of being teased.

“His hands are so good.”

That’s why he’s the favorite.

“Little grabs everywhere.”

Someone put a leash on him! Uncalled for.

Now for the Doozy of the Week. There is always one quote that just…blows the mind. This one is a real ringer. 

“He can be streaky.”

Um…is he glass cleaner? Toilet cleaner? Why else would he be streaky? Just asking.

~ ~ ~

Side notes:

  • When Collinsworth gets stuck on a team/player, he’s stuck. Is he turning into Joe Buck?
  • The commentators sure enjoy second-guessing the refs. They make dumb calls, don’t get me wrong, but not EVERY call is wrong.
  • What is it with certain players/teams getting away with cheap shots, hard hits and really uncool actions, while others don’t? Hmm…. Is Goodell being paid off? Makes one wonder…

**Here’s to a good season, less CTE, more great plays and lots of fun! I haven’t thrown in the towel on the Bengals, but good grief, we’ve got to start looking better. Sheesh. Oh, and WHO DEY!**

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Andy Dalton, #14, Quarterback for the Cincinnati Bengals
By Melissa Batson (Own work) [CC-BY-SA-3.0

Monday Morning Armchair Quarterback ~ Preseason, Week 2 #football @meganslayer

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Still haven’t seen my Bengals this season, but it won’t be long before I do. I’ll get there.  Until then, it’s time for the preseason quotes. There were a few goodies from the first week that didn’t quite make the cut last time around, but they’re here now! Let’s get started.

“He’s as fast as they come.” 

Which is why he’s a favorite.

“From the money pocket.”

He moved fast, which is why he found that money pocket so fast.

“A wobbly one.”

He swings low, sweet chariot.

“Tight splits.”

Hmm…bring lube.

“Playing with his hands.”

Got to work in those tight splits somehow.

Now for those wonderful quotes this week from the various preseason games. You won’t want to miss these.

“Cannot have penetration in the backfield”

He wants it all in the front field.

“Gotta slide and get your body around it.”

We’re back to those tight splits, eh? Sounds more like wrestling.

“We gotta check that and get the ball tucked away so it doesn’t get out.”

If he’s the guy who is swinging low, then yeah, you might want to tuck that back in.

“Undersized but has a little wiggle to him.”

He’s popular…

“We’ve got to pick it up; they’ve had their way with us for too long.”

Sure do if you want to keep things even.

“A lot of length on their line.”

If it’s a suck line, then it might be worth it. Gotta try every one.

And now for the Doozy of the Week…this is the one that had me scratching my head the longest or was just so far out there…I couldn’t believe it. Ready?

“Loves to use tight ends in the offense.”

Well, if there are lines and lengths, then you’ve got to use them as an offense. Got to have something between you and the rest of the team.

Well, those are the first week of the madness. Technically the second week, but it’s the first week of full action. Here’s to a good season, less CTE, more great plays and lots of fun! Oh, and WHO DEY!

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Andy Dalton, #14, Quarterback for the Cincinnati Bengals
By Melissa Batson (Own work) [CC-BY-SA-3.0

Monday Morning Armchair Quarterback ~ Wild Card Week

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Well, we’re not playing, so I can at least enjoy the game. Would’ve been better with the Bengals playing, but it happens. I wish the Giants would’ve done better, as well as the Raiders and the Dolphins, but it happens. I’ve gotten used to resigning myself this season. Hopefully 2017 will be better.

Since it’s that time…let’s get to the funnies.

There are Honorable Mentions from last week–like always–so…here we go…

“the protection up front is working.”

Always good to have working protection.

“He’s got it up the middle.”

Better than going to one side or the other.

Okay, time for the Quotes of the Week. These are a real rip. Always!

“You have to get deeper than that.”

At least make them feel it.

 “An excellent pick-up.” 

When you’ve got the right one, you’ve got the right one.

“Found a hole and stuffed it.”

What else are you supposed to do with that hole?

“3 big bodies in the middle.”

Because they like to be sandwiched by the smaller ones.

“looking for a spark.”

Better to have one than not. Makes the whole situation more pleasurable.

And now for the Doozy of the Week. Oh my…

This one is all kinds of wrong. Just all kinds.

“He’s good for 14.”

Meaning he can last for that long. 14 turns. Nice.

Thanks for reading and please check out the other posts from the rest of the week.

Enjoy!

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Andy Dalton, #14, Quarterback for the Cincinnati Bengals
By Melissa Batson (Own work) [CC-BY-SA-3.0

Monday Morning Armchair Quarterback ~ Week 11 … only a little late with @MeganSlayer

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Yeouch… The game against the Ravens… sigh. At least we tried. Can’t say we didn’t. No interceptions, too. I’m trying to see the bright side. It’s tough.

Since it’s that time…let’s get to the funnies.

There are Honorable Mentions from last week–like always–so…here we go…

“A good working hole.”

Better than a closed one.

“a big hole.”

As opposed to a small one.

Okay, time for the Quotes of the Week. These are a real rip. Always!

“He is enormous.”

He’s popular.

 “A big gaping hole.” 

Because he was there. He left his mark.

“the power and the touch in his leg is phenomenal.”

Is that what we’re calling it now? His leg? Muwhahahahaha!

“9 or 10 in that hole already.”

Pretty sure that’s not possible.

“3 tight ends in the game.”

 They wanted to be sure they were well represented.

And now for the Doozy of the Week. Oh my…

This one is all kinds of wrong. Just all kinds.

“he came and pulled out quickly.”

Doesn’t mean it’s safe. But he tried.

Thanks for reading and please check out the other posts from the rest of the week.

Enjoy!

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Andy Dalton, #14, Quarterback for the Cincinnati Bengals
By Melissa Batson (Own work) [CC-BY-SA-3.0

Monday Morning Armchair Quarterback ~ Week 9 ~ closer to on time…

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We had a bye week and boy did we need it. London was fun, but it kicked out butts. Still, we’re in the hunt. Go Bengals!

Since it’s that time…let’s get to the funnies.

There are Honorable Mentions from last week–like always–so…here we go…

“high and deep.”

Sounds painful.

“gets the inside leverage.”

If he’s high and deep, then he should.

“Tight and deep…gotta field into it.”

Cooperation always helps. Keeps the strain off the lower back.

Okay, time for the Quotes of the Week. These are a real rip. Always!

“Gets off cleanly.”

He wore a rubber.

 “Forced up in the pocket.” 

Ouch.

“tight little package.”

I guess that’s why it had to be forced, but ouch nonetheless.

“lined up in a traditional tight end position.”

For better selection, of course.

“Good size match up.”

 Better to be good than mismatched and in pain.

And now for the Doozy of the Week. Oh my…

This one is all kinds of wrong. Just all kinds.

“Talk about a size advantage.”

But that’s what he asked for. It’s his kink.

Thanks for reading and please check out the other posts from the rest of the week.

Enjoy!

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Andy Dalton, #14, Quarterback for the Cincinnati Bengals
By Melissa Batson (Own work) [CC-BY-SA-3.0

Monday Morning Armchair Quarterback ~ Week 8 ~ A little late…

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Hmm… a tie is better than a loss, but it’d be better if we were a .500 ball club. Oh well. Go Bengals!

Since it’s that time…let’s get to the funnies.

There are Honorable Mentions from last week–like always–so…here we go…

“Getting Penetration.”

That was the goal, so good job!

“Playing downside…inside.”

Is that another way to explain sex?

“Gang tackle.”

Ah, this is foreplay. Got it.

Okay, time for the Quotes of the Week. These are a real rip. Always!

“penetration and making plays.”

That’s the thrill of the chase.

 “release our players.”

they do tend to help the room open up that way. Good call.

“Allows him to come under.”

Unless he wanted over. Just sayin’.

“some gaping holes.”

Kinky.

And now for the Doozy of the Week. Oh my…

This one is all kinds of wrong. Just all kinds.

“After the initial release, he got back on top.”

He is a professional. He took a fall and kept going. Bravo.

Thanks for reading and please check out the other posts from the rest of the week.

Enjoy!

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Andy Dalton, #14, Quarterback for the Cincinnati Bengals
By Melissa Batson (Own work) [CC-BY-SA-3.0

Racing Quotes of the Week ~ Atlanta

Racing Quotes of the Week

It’s hard to watch a race when halfway through, you’re bored. I hate to admit it, but at least two of the races this weekend failed to keep my attention. Now, I can hear you saying, then you’re not a real race fan. That could be debated. I’m not wild about the same driver going wire to wire. Let someone else lead a little and keep things interesting. Just my two cents.

That said, there were a couple of quotes that stood out and I couldn’t let them go by without more notice.

“Just stringin’ it out.” 

Sounds like someone’s got their junk out and taking it for a walk.

“When we get our hands around all this stuff, we’ll have a chance.”

Hmmm. Is this the stuff you’re out dragging? Maybe you should consider a career in adult films.

“All gonna be dictated by what happens up front.”

Well, duh. The guy with the strung out trying to get his hands around it should probably set the tone so someone doesn’t get hurt.

“He just likes it hard on everyone.”

I’m going there…since he’s got junk to spare and he’s hanging it out up front, then yeah, he’s happy to make it hard on everyone. He gets the most out of it that way.

Racing Quotes of the Week ~ Daytona

Racing Quotes of the Week

By Bo Nash (Flickr) [CC BY-SA 2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0)%5D, via Wikimedia Commons

Thought I’d do a new feature. This probably won’t be a weekly thing because I don’t get to watch every race, but hey, if the material is there…

So this week for Daytona, I collected these gems:

“when we started touching each other, that was it.”

Wonder what touching they were doing? Wink, wink.

“There’ll be a lot of monkey see, monkey do.”

But that’s how they like it. Everyone ends up satisfied.

Now for the doozy… oh… boy…

“Comin’, comin’, comin’ and then whoop, there she is.”

This was about a crash, but good grief. Sounds like extracurriculars to me. Or squirting.

Just sayin’.

Stay tuned. You never know what will happen at Atlanta. 🙂

Monday Morning Armchair Quarterback ~ Week 19 AKA Week 2 of the Post Season

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No Bengals, no fun. Normally, that’s the case, but there’s still football so I’m happy. Would I like to see some other teams in the playoffs? Sure. But, there’s always next year. And sorry Steelers fans, but I’m mildly happy they didn’t get to keep going, too. Yeah, I might have a few hard feelings.

So, it’s time for the Honorable Mentions. Hey, I can’t make this stuff up.

“Deep and hard inside.”

Which is how it should be.

“Receiving tight end.”

What else would he be doing with it?

“His fault for not getting it in.”

Well, yeah. I mean, it’s not that hard to figure out where it goes.

“He avoided four sacks.”

Only because he wasn’t in the mood for an orgy.

~

Now onto those Quotes of the Week. We’re almost to the playoffs, which means only a few games left to get these. Let’s play with what we’ve got while we’ve got them. Muwhahahahaha! 

“He had eight of them during regular season.”

Because back then he was into orgies. He’s taking a break from them for now.

“Ten seconds to flick that ball out.”

Interesting form of play. Does the owner of the ball appreciate it? Or is this some kind of training?

“His timing is perfect.”

Well it had better be if he’s doing the flicking. Doing that at the wrong time could really hurt or do damage.

“He’s showing tremendous hands.”

Hmm. I’d like to see what he’s doing with those tremendous hands.

~

Now for the Doozy of the Week. Woooweee….

“How do they do it over and over again?”

I guess the better question is, why are you surprised? The idea is to do it over and over. Where and when are the variables. Just sayin’.  

Thanks for reading and checking out my thoughts on the games. I’ve got release news and cover art to post this week, so stay tuned!!

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Andy Dalton, #14, Quarterback for the Cincinnati Bengals
By Melissa Batson (Own work) [CC-BY-SA-3.0

Monday Morning Armchair Quarterback ~ Week 13

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It’s time for the Football funnies of the week. I’ve got some great honorable mentions and a lot of funny comments. I wonder what the commentators think. But hey, they get paid to say this stuff.

So let’s move on to those Honorable Mentions:

“There’s another big hole for him.”

Snort.

“Great poise in the pocket.”

Nothing like giving a grade on his…er…poise.

“Time to hit his second and third receiver.”

Snicker. This guy gets around. He’s got poise and has holes waiting. Smooth operator.

~

Now for those quotes of the week. It’s fun to listen to football and find things that just don’t quite jive if you’re not watching the show.

“He is a great practice player.”

He needs to work on his game.

“Gotta do it by committee.”

So he can work with the practice to make sure it’s perfect.

“Who’s going to step in after that injury?”

Well, look for the guy who has the big holes at his command.

“He knows how to come in off the bench and make plays in the big holes.”

See? They brought him in and he made the grade.

“Great strip play.”

At this point, yeah. He’s got big holes and can do what’s needed. I bet he’s good at stripping, too.

“Stuffed deep.”

In those big holes?

~

And now for the Doozy of the Week. Snicker. It’s a goodie!

“Throws to his hot receiver.”

Because he’s the guy with the big hole. Or she. Could be any of them. Still, he knows how to pick ‘em.

Thanks for reading and checking out my thoughts on the games. I’ve got release news and cover art to post this week, so stay tuned!!

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Andy Dalton, #14, Quarterback for the Cincinnati Bengals
By Melissa Batson (Own work) [CC-BY-SA-3.0