Monday Morning Armchair Quarterback ~ Preseason #3 @meganslayer #football

We’ve made it to week three and so far, the season hasn’t disappointed. There’s the new helmet-to-helmet contact rule, the rule about leading with the head and the new kick off rule. I agree with the helmet rules. Gotta use your head, but not for dangerous stuff. As for the kick off rule, I’m not sold.

But this is for fun. Here are the quotes.

“Three wide tight ends.” ~ Either they’re wide or tight. Don’t know if they can be both.

“Two open receivers.” ~ Looking for the tight ends, no doubt.

“Needs to put it where it goes.” ~ And they say football isn’t sexual or dirty…

“Looking for a tight end.” ~ Keep looking. They’re everywhere.

“Got the best tight end.” ~ Well, at least he found one.

“Penetrate from Cleveland.” ~ Yeah, this was said. Still not sure what they meant.

“Double moves – timing hard to time up.” ~ Again, it was said. They meant getting their timing right, but who doesn’t have timing issues now and again?

My favorite quote of the week involves more penetration. I mean, it was a theme along with the tight ends. I have to wonder if the commentators ever LISTEN to what they say when they say it. Oh well.

“Got penetration to speed up the procedure.” ~ Um… okay?

Stay tuned for more Monday Morning Armchair Quarterback posts. Not much longer and we’ll be at the start of regular season!

Monday Morning Armchair Quarterback ~ Preseason #2 @meganslayer #football

For the second week of preseason, there were even more comments and funny bits. I can’t wait to share them with you.

“Good job staying up and fighting for everything he could get.” ~ What’d you expect? For him to roll over and quit?

“Waiting for the tight end to break open.” ~ Is he a watermelon? Pumpkin?

“Not many balls on the field.” ~ They’re nervous. They’ll get better.

“One of the most dynamic players in the league.” ~ He’s a winner.

“Who else can do that? This guy on the edge.” ~ He’s that winner.

“Coming on the inside.” ~ Messy.

“Penetrates the left side.” ~ As opposed to all of it?

And my favorite:

“Hits the soft spot and you don’t want to do that.” ~ Um… Which one? I mean, being mean isn’t cool, so there’s that, but… Maybe the soft spot is a favorite? Still, you shouldn’t hit.

Stay tuned for more Monday Morning Armchair Quarterback posts. 🙂

Monday Morning Armchair Quarterback ~ Preseason #1 @meganslayer #football

I’ve been a little derelict in my posting of the football funnies. Last year was just…it’s time to look forward. There are some interesting commentators this year so let’s get started.

“Young guys coming together.” ~ I sure hope so or we won’t have a game.

“Likes his tight ends.” ~ Don’t we all?

“Nothing open.” ~ It happens.

“Lots of talent on the field.” ~ So many to choose from.

“Waiting for a hole to develop.” ~ Sounds like a bad pickup line.

“Pressure on his face.” ~ From the tight ends?

“You’ve got your package.” ~ That’s what we’d all like sooner or later.

And my favorite…

“Drilled him.” ~ Can’t say it better than that.

Stay tuned for the next episode of Monday Morning Armchair Quarterback. I’ll be here all year.

Monday Morning Armchair Quarterback, Regular Season, Week 11 #football #funny @meganslayer

We another win. Against the Broncos… TYG I can’t take more of these nail biters.

Let’s launch right into the Honorable Mentions because it’s time to laugh:

“Still jiggling a little bit.” 

Quaint.

“Got it up and through.”

As opposed to going below.

“Not the front side; the backside.”

Some guys need a reminder.

“Gang tackling.”

Wow. Ouch

Now for the Quotes from Week 11. Sometimes…yeah, just think before you speak. This is live TV.

“Young tight end; they love ’em here.”

He is popular.

“Jumbo package.”

Along with the tight end. He’s a winner.

“Get up quick.”

As opposed to going slowly.

“One on one outside.”

Because it’s fun!

“One on one on top.”

Puppy pile!!

Now for the Doozy of the Week. There is always one quote that just…blows the mind. This one is a real ringer. 

“A very clean game. Made good decisions.”

He’s trying anyway. I hate when it’s a messy game. Grin.

~ ~ ~

Side notes:

• Once they get stuck on a word, like lumber, they don’t stop.
• Once they pick a favorite, they don’t budge. I guess they’re all stuck in ruts.

**Here’s to a good season, less CTE, more great plays and lots of fun! My Bengals are starting to look better. Whew. Oh, and WHO DEY!**

Andy Dalton, #14, Quarterback for the Cincinnati Bengals

By Melissa Batson (Own work) [CC-BY-SA-3.0

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Monday Morning Armchair Quarterback, Regular Season, Week 10 #football #funny @meganslayer

Well, poo. It’s not our time. Just not. Ejections, losses… oy.

Let’s launch right into the Honorable Mentions because it’s time to laugh. I need a few.

“Draws the defense inside and they get comfy in there.” 

Better than tearing it all up.

“They’ve done it all different ways.”

Variety is the spice of life.

“The center just rises up.”

He’s fun when he’s hard.

“Force him in positions he doesn’t want.”

That’s not nice.

Now for the Quotes from Week 10. Sometimes…yeah, just think before you speak. This is live TV.

“Comfortable in the pocket.”

He knows where he likes.

“Packages!”

Is that the new name for it?

“Rotate in a fresh body.”

Hinky!

“Just in the pocket and seeing what’s there.”

Lots of pocket action today.

“A big player in there.”

But no one’s complaining.

Now for the Doozy of the Week. There is always one quote that just…blows the mind. This one is a real ringer. 

“Stuffed up the middle with two tight ends.”

Muwhahahahahaha! Sometimes the simple answer is the funniest. He got what he wanted.

~ ~ ~

Side notes:

• Once they get stuck on a word, like lumber, they don’t stop.
• Once they pick a favorite, they don’t budge. I guess they’re all stuck in ruts.

**Here’s to a good season, less CTE, more great plays and lots of fun! My Bengals are starting to look better. Whew. Oh, and WHO DEY!**

Andy Dalton, #14, Quarterback for the Cincinnati Bengals

By Melissa Batson (Own work) [CC-BY-SA-3.0

 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0)%5D

Monday Morning Armchair Quarterback, Regular Season, Week 9 #football #funny @meganslayer

We managed to win against the Colts. Wasn’t pretty. Wasn’t easy. At least the trade between the Bengals and the Browns to get rid of McCarron didn’t go through. TYG

Let’s launch right into the Honorable Mentions because it’s time to laugh:

“Draws the defense inside and they get comfy in there.” 

Quaint.

“They’ve done it all different ways.”

Is there any other method?

“The center just rises up.”

I assume that’s where he wants it to go.

“0-2 for deep shots.”

That’s bad. Poor him.

Now for the Quotes from Week 9. Sometimes…yeah, just think before you speak. This is live TV.

“Went deep in the play.”

He needed to keep it strung out.

“Up the gut.”

He broke that 0-2 streak.

“Brought more people to the line.”

Conga!

“Coming around on a pull.”

I want photos of that.

 

“Threw off the angles of pursuit.”

But no one’s complaining.

Now for the Doozy of the Week. There is always one quote that just…blows the mind. This one is a real ringer. 

“Opened things up for him.”

A fluffer!

~ ~ ~

Side notes:

• Once they get stuck on a word, like lumber, they don’t stop.
• Once they pick a favorite, they don’t budge. I guess they’re all stuck in ruts.

**Here’s to a good season, less CTE, more great plays and lots of fun! My Bengals are starting to look better. Whew. Oh, and WHO DEY!**

Andy Dalton, #14, Quarterback for the Cincinnati Bengals

By Melissa Batson (Own work) [CC-BY-SA-3.0

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Monday Morning Armchair Quarterback, Regular Season, Week 8 #football #funny @meganslayer

Well…this hasn’t been the best of weeks for my team. Not good. The game…wasn’t good. But there will be another. Always is until the end of the season.

Let’s launch right into the Honorable Mentions because it’s time to laugh:

“Squatted on that route.” 

Gross.

“Gonna go over your head.”

Better than in your eye.

“When he goes to the left side, he goes into the slot.”

I assume that’s where he wants it to go.

“A lot of leg on it.”

And they’ll feel it in the morning.

Now for the Quotes from Week 8. Sometimes…yeah, just think before you speak. This is live TV.

“Rips it out.”

Better than leaving it in too long.

“Got good penetration.”

Yet, he ripped it out. Hmm.

“Explosion to the second level.”

Now he’s working for level three and a high score.

“Just barely fits in there.”

Because he’s trying to fit it in there.

“Backs continue to mount.”

Orgy! Orgy! Orgy!

“Undersized in the middle.”

But no one’s complaining.

Now for the Doozy of the Week. There is always one quote that just…blows the mind. This one is a real ringer. 

“Tamp him on the butt and say let’s go do it here again.”

At least they have a plan.

~ ~ ~

Side notes:

• Gruden’s Man Crush? Clowney and his big body. Get a room.
• Why do the announcers only talk about the Steelers? There are more teams than just that one. They’re having issues and aren’t number one over all… find someone else for a change.

**Here’s to a good season, less CTE, more great plays and lots of fun! My Bengals are starting to look better. Whew. Oh, and WHO DEY!**

Andy Dalton, #14, Quarterback for the Cincinnati Bengals

By Melissa Batson (Own work) [CC-BY-SA-3.0

 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0)%5D

Monday Morning Armchair Quarterback, Regular Season, Week 7 #football #funny @meganslayer

Gotta love football. The fun, the games, the excitement… I can’t get enough. I’ve watched the other games, but not my Bengals. Why? It seems to be working for them when I don’t watch, but take in the other games, so I’m going with it. Yes, I’m superstitious. Grin.

Let’s launch right into the Honorable Mentions because it’s time to laugh:

“Moved out of the box; brings it.” 

Where is he taking it to?

“Using a bunch of tight ends.”

Because he doesn’t believe in one and done.

“Just flips it out there.”

He’s the favorite for a reason.

“Wearing on you and eventually pull away.”

Is that like wearing you down? Then changing his mind? I’m not sure.

Now for the Quotes from Week 7. Sometimes…yeah, just think before you speak. This is live TV.

“Snap it out; strung it out.”

Then do-se-do. Whoop!

“Rotating a lot of bodies.”

He plows through until he finds the right one.

“All that handing off; their splitting.”

That’s too bad. They’re good together. I wish they could’ve made it work.

“Fakes it hard, held onto it, releases it.”

Because he wants to tease until the climax is past due.

“He comes inside.”

Because he finally let them have the orgasm.

“I didn’t get much meat in there.”

Then find another guy. Fill out the meat portion. It’s not hard. Duh.

Now for the Doozy of the Week. There is always one quote that just…blows the mind. This one is a real ringer. 

“Rubbin’ one off.”

In the middle of the field? Really? With everyone watching? What a kink! I bet he’s popular.

~ ~ ~

Side notes:

• Gruden sure got stuck on Clowney. He’s a great player, but good grief, you’d think they were dating. At least that Gruden had a serious Joe Buck style crush.
• Why does every commentator have to compare every team to the Steelers? There are other teams out there. The Steelers have been good, but come on. Compare to the Patriors, the Bears or anyone else.
• Another thing…when the clips are shown, why does every team have to be shown playing against the Bengals or Browns? Again, there are other teams and I’m sure not every team has their best plays against those two teams. Showing the highlights of another team playing the Browns isn’t fair–the Browns aren’t that great. Make the highlights come from a good game, not a rout.

**Here’s to a good season, less CTE, more great plays and lots of fun! My Bengals are starting to look better. Whew. Oh, and WHO DEY!**

Andy Dalton, #14, Quarterback for the Cincinnati Bengals

By Melissa Batson (Own work) [CC-BY-SA-3.0

 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0)%5D

Monday Morning Armchair Quarterback, Regular Season, Week 6 #football #funny @meganslayer

The Bengals had an off week, which could be good…could be bad. Depends. It does appear the new OC is helping, so let’s hope it continues to do so. The Browns lost…no shock there. I wish they’d get everything some kind of sorted out. Ah…eventually, right?Let’s launch right into the Honorable Mentions because it’s time to laugh:

“Impossibly flexible.” 

I want to see pictures. Demonstrations.

“Gigantic Ball.”

Let’s hope there’s nothing wrong with it.

“He got lathered up.”

For? Details, man!

“Intended for the tight end–deflected.”

Guess he didn’t want it after all.

Now for the Quotes from Week 5. Sometimes…yeah, just think before you speak. This is live TV.

“Couldn’t handle it.”

Then deflect it.

“Gotta get that thing back down there.”

It’s out of control!!

“Takes him inside, then goes all the way back outside.”

Tease.

“Grabs him from behind.”

Must be tired of being teased.

“His hands are so good.”

That’s why he’s the favorite.

“Little grabs everywhere.”

Someone put a leash on him! Uncalled for.

Now for the Doozy of the Week. There is always one quote that just…blows the mind. This one is a real ringer. 

“He can be streaky.”

Um…is he glass cleaner? Toilet cleaner? Why else would he be streaky? Just asking.

~ ~ ~

Side notes:

• When Collinsworth gets stuck on a team/player, he’s stuck. Is he turning into Joe Buck?
• The commentators sure enjoy second-guessing the refs. They make dumb calls, don’t get me wrong, but not EVERY call is wrong.
• What is it with certain players/teams getting away with cheap shots, hard hits and really uncool actions, while others don’t? Hmm…. Is Goodell being paid off? Makes one wonder…

**Here’s to a good season, less CTE, more great plays and lots of fun! I haven’t thrown in the towel on the Bengals, but good grief, we’ve got to start looking better. Sheesh. Oh, and WHO DEY!**

Andy Dalton, #14, Quarterback for the Cincinnati Bengals

By Melissa Batson (Own work) [CC-BY-SA-3.0

 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0)%5D

Monday Morning Armchair Quarterback, Regular Season, Week 5 #football #funny @meganslayer

It’s that time…time to laugh. We need a few laughs right now since it’s not been a great week. Let’s launch right into the Honorable Mentions:

“He’s got a big arm.” 

Ah, but what’s he doing with it?

“He’s nothing if not entertaining.”

Well, with that big arm, of course.

“Opening more holes than we’ve seen tonight.”

It’s that big arm, man!

“Would love to stack the box.”

If he’s using that big arm, then there might not be enough room, but feel free to try.

Now for the Quotes from Week 5. Sometimes…yeah, just think before you speak. This is live TV.

“Look at that penetration.”

It’s the arm.

“Soon you’re clutching underneath.”

Clutching or clenching?

“Leading into the hole.”

Like a honing device.

“Complimentary receiver.”

If where he’s leading is wanting, then more the merrier.

“Right on top of him.”

Because he’s the complimentary receiver.

“You may feel some pressure and you’ll have to step up.”

Is this football, sex or an exam from a doctor? Jeebus.

Now for the Doozy of the Week. There is always one quote that just…blows the mind. This one is a real ringer. 

“I didn’t get much meat there.”

He was talking about a sandwich, but since we’re in the midst of a football game…it just sounds sexist and kinky. Maybe they like that meat in there.

~ ~ ~

Side notes:

• What’s with the pointing out the obvious? We saw it. Don’t circle it, too.
• What’s the questioning and re-questioning the refs? Just show the play and let it play out. Don’t try to be the ref. You have no idea what you’re doing..

**Here’s to a good season, less CTE, more great plays and lots of fun! I haven’t thrown in the towel on the Bengals, but good grief, we’ve got to start looking better. Sheesh. Oh, and WHO DEY!**

Andy Dalton, #14, Quarterback for the Cincinnati Bengals

By Melissa Batson (Own work) [CC-BY-SA-3.0

 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0)%5D