Monday Morning Armchair Quarterback ~ Preseason Week 2

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It’s that time again. Time for the Monday Morning Armchair Quarterback… I’m in the middle of plotting out my own football story, so I’ve got to say this is great research. It’s also funny as heck to listen to the commentators.

There were some funnies from last week, but they didn’t make it onto the list. They’ve made it this week as Honorable Mentions! Here they are:

“Landing a lick.”

On? Swatting someone? Licking someone? Needs more information.

“Tools for his toolbox – using those tools.”

Ah, so we have a dungeon master. Cool!

“If there’s anyone who can hit it and get it in, it’s that guy.”

He’s a player, eh?

“He’s used to being on his back.”

So he’s a bottom? Or he likes to let her ride him? Maybe we should get some photos for reference.

Like those? I sure did, but I’ve got even better ones for this week. Hard? Yeah, it was difficult to find the right ones for this week, but I managed. Here we go!

“Bring some exotic coverage.”

Like sheepskin rubbers? Or something else?

“A sack machine.”

Now, don’t go calling him that. He’s not that loose.

“Getting on–body on a body.”

Unless it’s an orgy, I’d hope there was body on a body.

“A beautiful strip.”

Why thank you.

“Great penetration by the line.”

See? Now there’s the orgy. And the line is very busy.

“Ugly but efficient.”

This one isn’t funny, but it kind of is. Who wants to be called ugly? Is that a backhanded compliment? Just asking.

Last one…

“Standing right next to him I had no idea what he was doing or how he was doing it.”

Maybe next time you should ask for a tutorial.

Grin.

So, there’s always one that just…it’s beyond belief. I’ve got one of those this week. Sure do.

“Kind of a one gap penetrator.”

Now, this pertained to a run and getting through a hole, but being tackled before he got too far down the field, but honestly it made me pause.

One gap penetrator…so he’s monogamous. Nice.

Geesh. Yeah, that was on television.

I’m off to work on the football story with lots of MM goodness and will be watching the next set of games for next week. Gotta have those quotes. Until then, enjoy!

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Andy Dalton, #14, Quarterback for the Cincinnati Bengals
By Melissa Batson (Own work) [CC-BY-SA-3.0

Monday Morning Armchair Quarterback ~ Preseason, Week 1

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It’s the first week of the preseason and while you can’t discount any of the teams, per se, you do get to see who is making the grade and who isn’t. As for the Bengals versus the Giants…the Giants have some work to do. But it’s the preseason, so they have time.

Speaking of work to do, the quotes of the week this week were…interesting. Here are the honorable mentions from last week. They were funny, but not quite ready for prime time.

“He can go ginormous.”

Wow. He must be on a website with that.

“Nice job of concentration.”

Well, if he wants to hit the right hole, then he has to have concentration.

“Got his hand on it to knock it away.”

Guess he wasn’t interested that time.

“Probably the best athlete among the tight ends.”

Athleticism is a good thing in these situations.

See what I mean? Those were pretty good. Grin.

Now onto the Football Quotes that made the grade in preseason, week 1:

“Need help up front.”

Sounds like a call to arms.

“He’s a bulldozer.”

Some do like to plow their way through the field–whichever field it happens to be.

“Knows where his receivers are.”

Then he’s been here before. He knows the lay of the land.

“Get the ball out quickly.”

Rather innocuous unless you’re me when I heard it. I thought more of getting his junk out and ready for use.

“His ability to get guys open.”

Again, innocuous, but I envisioned a real player roaming the field and knowing who needed a little extra TLC in order to be ready to…er…play.

“Leg whipped.”

That just sounds all kinds of wrong. Whipped? With his own legs? Or whipped by someone/something in the legs? Odd.

And now for the Doozy of the Week. That quote that really made me step back and cock my head. Yeah, those are out there.

“The big tight end that’s been so impressive.”

Now…do you mean he’s got an impressive package and knows how to use it? Or he’s a good receiver? He makes all the boys happy? Got to be clear about these things.

And there you have it. The Monday Morning Armchair Quarterback quotes of the week. Stay tuned for next week, week 2 and see what gems I manage to find. Until then…. Go Bengals!

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Andy Dalton, #14, Quarterback for the Cincinnati Bengals
By Melissa Batson (Own work) [CC-BY-SA-3.0

Monday Morning Armchair Quarterback ~ Hall of Fame Game

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Every year, I look forward to football season. Why? I’m not sure. It started out as something to do to pass the time, then it was something to discuss with the males in the household. Now? Now it’s a passion. 🙂

While watching, I happened to be doing something else. I listened to the commentary and occasionally glanced over to see what was happening. What really caught my attention was the commentary. Okay, that and the nice, tight buns of the players, but that’s beside the point. So I’m listening to the commentators and being the naughty writer I am, I took almost EVERYTHING they said the wrong way. 

In the spirit of all those comments that could go so many naughty ways, I present you with this season’s football funnies… or as I like to call them, the Monday Morning Armchair Quarterback, Hall of Fame edition. 

Honorable Mentions from the 2014 season:

“this is gonna leave marks”

Could be a great thing. 

“Nice move to get out of it”

Ah, so the knots were easily unknotted. 

“Completely turned him loose.”

And he did what exactly? I want to see!

“He rubs people the wrong way.”

Giggle. Since when did this whole thing go the way of BDSM? Besides, I want to see the guy. Maybe he’s not so bad after all. 

Now let me present the Hall of Fame Game 2015 Football Funnies!

“We can fix him.”

Was he broken? Body or spirit? He needs neutered?

“He saw a lot of action last year as a rookie.”

See, there’s nothing really wrong with this line, but I envisioned a conga line of kink going on and this is the guy’s sophomore season. Yeah, I went there.

“When you see him in the pocket, he is never moving around.”

Hmm. Maybe he likes to toy with the pocket and make it beg.

“Can’t handle it before it hits the ground.”

What is it? I’m thinking a sex toy of some sort. Yeah, something of the jelly family. 

“Comes right up the field and when he comes at you…wow.”

Sounds messy. Lots of coming and all over the place, too. But might be fun to watch him. 

“He can do a lot of different positions.”

Oh my. Where is this guy? I want to watch, climb, lick and ogle him. 

Er…ahem. Okay. So, for our finale, the Doozy of the Week. This is the one comment that either left me scratching my head or rolling on the floor because…oh, wow…they went there. 

“He’s a rock below the waist.”

Damn. Just…damn. Where are the photos of this one? 

Whew.

That’s all for the Hall of Fame game, but you can catch my catches from week one of the preseason on Monday. This looks like it’ll be a great season. 

As always, thanks for reading. 

XOXO

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Andy Dalton, #14, Quarterback for the Cincinnati Bengals
By Melissa Batson (Own work) [CC-BY-SA-3.0

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Out Now ~ Trusting Nat by @MeganSlayer ~ Book 2 in the Sanctuary Series, #mmromance #lionshifters #lions

Trusting Nat by Megan Slayer Trusting Nat

Book 2 in the Sanctuary Series

Resplendence Publishing

Contemporary, Paranormal

M/M, Anal Sex, Masturbation

Novella

The key to his humanity is finding his place in the pride.

Sydney came to Sanctuary believing he wasn’t anything other than the runt of the litter. Strengths? According to the others, he had none. But one special shifter seems to think otherwise—Nat. To bring out the brave side of Syd, he’ll need to trust.

Nat has always known he’s a beta. No question. He’s drawn to Syd and wants to find out if their existence at the Sanctuary should be more than platonic. When he and Syd are called upon to bring back more lions from the petting zoo, he not only sees Syd’s true potential, but realizes his true feelings for the fellow shifter.

Can these two shifters forge an alliance and grow together or will their heated experiments between the sheets be the end for them both?

Out now from Resplendence Publishing:

And Now, an excerpt!

Copyright © 2015, Megan Slayer

“I’m not happy about this, but I’ll leave you alone. Get your rest, and I’ll check on you later, okay?” Nat trailed his fingers down Syd’s chest. “You worry me.”

“Sorry,” Syd mumbled. He hadn’t meant to be a bother. He waited for the other lion shifter to leave the room then he flopped onto the bed. He unzipped and eased his still rock-hard dick from his jeans. Jacking off wouldn’t make him feel better. Using his dildo wouldn’t work, either. He needed the touch of the man he crushed on to make everything level again. Except, he’d just caused Nat to leave him alone.

Syd wrapped his fingers around his cock and stroked. Just like downstairs, he wouldn’t need much in order to come. He stretched one leg out on the bed and draped the other leg over the side. He planted his foot on the floor.

As he jerked himself off, he pictured Nat with him. Nat knelt on the bed between Syd’s knees. Fire blazed in his eyes and his cheeks were stained red. His blond hair stuck up in odd tangles.

“Love watching you do that,” Nat said in the fantasy. “It’s sexy when you jerk off.”

“Love when you watch me,” Syd murmured. He closed his eyes and arched his back. With one hand on his dick, he used his other hand to stroke his balls. The fever in his veins engulfed him. He couldn’t think straight. The only thing that mattered was finding release. He puffed and grunted.

“I want to see you come. All over me, Syd. Decorate me.” Nat, now nude, perched between Syd’s knees. He plucked his nipple and licked his lips. “Come on.”

Syd nodded.  His breaths turned ragged, and his mind fuzzed. The orgasm built low in his body and spread throughout his groin. He parted his lips. “Nat. Fucking hell, I’m coming.” Something deep within him snapped, and he sagged against the bed. A rope of cum stretched across his belly, staining his shirt. The warmth seeped through to his skin. He panted, and when he opened his eyes, the room spun. Damn.

“Syd?” Nat raced into the bedroom and stopped. “I thought I heard my name…” He didn’t finish his sentence.

Syd tipped his head. He knew Nat was in the room, but anything he wanted to say was gone. He’d been found out. Well, shit.