Monday Morning Armchair Quarterback, Regular Season, Week 9 #football #funny @meganslayer

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We managed to win against the Colts. Wasn’t pretty. Wasn’t easy. At least the trade between the Bengals and the Browns to get rid of McCarron didn’t go through. TYG

Let’s launch right into the Honorable Mentions because it’s time to laugh:

“Draws the defense inside and they get comfy in there.” 

Quaint.

“They’ve done it all different ways.”

Is there any other method?

“The center just rises up.”

I assume that’s where he wants it to go.

“0-2 for deep shots.”

That’s bad. Poor him.

Now for the Quotes from Week 9. Sometimes…yeah, just think before you speak. This is live TV.

“Went deep in the play.”

He needed to keep it strung out.

“Up the gut.”

He broke that 0-2 streak.

“Brought more people to the line.”

Conga!

“Coming around on a pull.”

I want photos of that.

 

“Threw off the angles of pursuit.”

But no one’s complaining.

Now for the Doozy of the Week. There is always one quote that just…blows the mind. This one is a real ringer. 

“Opened things up for him.”

A fluffer!

~ ~ ~

Side notes:

  • Once they get stuck on a word, like lumber, they don’t stop.
  • Once they pick a favorite, they don’t budge. I guess they’re all stuck in ruts.

**Here’s to a good season, less CTE, more great plays and lots of fun! My Bengals are starting to look better. Whew. Oh, and WHO DEY!**

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Andy Dalton, #14, Quarterback for the Cincinnati Bengals
By Melissa Batson (Own work) [CC-BY-SA-3.0
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Monday Morning Armchair Quarterback, Regular Season, Week 6 #football #funny @meganslayer

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The Bengals had an off week, which could be good…could be bad. Depends. It does appear the new OC is helping, so let’s hope it continues to do so. The Browns lost…no shock there. I wish they’d get everything some kind of sorted out. Ah…eventually, right?Let’s launch right into the Honorable Mentions because it’s time to laugh:

“Impossibly flexible.” 

I want to see pictures. Demonstrations.

“Gigantic Ball.”

Let’s hope there’s nothing wrong with it.

“He got lathered up.”

For? Details, man!

“Intended for the tight end–deflected.”

Guess he didn’t want it after all.

Now for the Quotes from Week 5. Sometimes…yeah, just think before you speak. This is live TV.

“Couldn’t handle it.”

Then deflect it.

“Gotta get that thing back down there.”

It’s out of control!!

“Takes him inside, then goes all the way back outside.”

Tease.

“Grabs him from behind.”

Must be tired of being teased.

“His hands are so good.”

That’s why he’s the favorite.

“Little grabs everywhere.”

Someone put a leash on him! Uncalled for.

Now for the Doozy of the Week. There is always one quote that just…blows the mind. This one is a real ringer. 

“He can be streaky.”

Um…is he glass cleaner? Toilet cleaner? Why else would he be streaky? Just asking.

~ ~ ~

Side notes:

  • When Collinsworth gets stuck on a team/player, he’s stuck. Is he turning into Joe Buck?
  • The commentators sure enjoy second-guessing the refs. They make dumb calls, don’t get me wrong, but not EVERY call is wrong.
  • What is it with certain players/teams getting away with cheap shots, hard hits and really uncool actions, while others don’t? Hmm…. Is Goodell being paid off? Makes one wonder…

**Here’s to a good season, less CTE, more great plays and lots of fun! I haven’t thrown in the towel on the Bengals, but good grief, we’ve got to start looking better. Sheesh. Oh, and WHO DEY!**

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Andy Dalton, #14, Quarterback for the Cincinnati Bengals
By Melissa Batson (Own work) [CC-BY-SA-3.0

Monday Morning Armchair Quarterback, Preseason Week 3 #football #funny @meganslayer

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It’s high time the season gets started. I’m all for preseason, but come on. I need the regular season to get here! It’s time.  Until I get my way, it’s time for the preseason quotes. There were a few goodies from the second week that didn’t quite make the cut last time around, but they’re here now! Let’s get started.

“Looks more powerful coming forward.” 

Is that like 3-D…it’s coming right at you?

“Shootin’ the gaps.”

Better to aim at them, than around them.

“I see more of his power.”

Now that he’s here, yep, you can see more of his…er…power.

“Check the release times.”

He’s on a timer? Interesting. Or very BDSM-y. 🙂

“A lot to clean up.”

Well, if he’s all messy, then it goes without saying.

Now for those wonderful quotes this week from the various preseason games. You won’t want to miss these.

“Get deep because they can see more.”

Better than shallow and unsatisfied.

“Powerful lower body.”

If he’s going to get deep, then he’d better be powerful.

“He didn’t get as much as he wants.”

I’m sure he can find satisfaction.

“Will give him as much as he can handle.”

See? They’re pacing him.

“Short underneath.”

Nope. Just a bad camera angle.

“Sack Master.”

See? I told you it was just a bad camera angle.

And now for the Doozy of the Week…this is the one that had me scratching my head the longest or was just so far out there…I couldn’t believe it. Ready?

“Take a little bit and drop it in over the top.”

Sounds like a puppy pile to me, but might be fun.

~ ~ ~

Well, those are the quotes from the third week of the madness.

Here’s to a good season, less CTE, more great plays and lots of fun! Oh, and WHO DEY!

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Andy Dalton, #14, Quarterback for the Cincinnati Bengals
By Melissa Batson (Own work) [CC-BY-SA-3.0

Monday Morning Armchair Quarterback ~ Preseason, Week 2 #football @meganslayer

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Still haven’t seen my Bengals this season, but it won’t be long before I do. I’ll get there.  Until then, it’s time for the preseason quotes. There were a few goodies from the first week that didn’t quite make the cut last time around, but they’re here now! Let’s get started.

“He’s as fast as they come.” 

Which is why he’s a favorite.

“From the money pocket.”

He moved fast, which is why he found that money pocket so fast.

“A wobbly one.”

He swings low, sweet chariot.

“Tight splits.”

Hmm…bring lube.

“Playing with his hands.”

Got to work in those tight splits somehow.

Now for those wonderful quotes this week from the various preseason games. You won’t want to miss these.

“Cannot have penetration in the backfield”

He wants it all in the front field.

“Gotta slide and get your body around it.”

We’re back to those tight splits, eh? Sounds more like wrestling.

“We gotta check that and get the ball tucked away so it doesn’t get out.”

If he’s the guy who is swinging low, then yeah, you might want to tuck that back in.

“Undersized but has a little wiggle to him.”

He’s popular…

“We’ve got to pick it up; they’ve had their way with us for too long.”

Sure do if you want to keep things even.

“A lot of length on their line.”

If it’s a suck line, then it might be worth it. Gotta try every one.

And now for the Doozy of the Week…this is the one that had me scratching my head the longest or was just so far out there…I couldn’t believe it. Ready?

“Loves to use tight ends in the offense.”

Well, if there are lines and lengths, then you’ve got to use them as an offense. Got to have something between you and the rest of the team.

Well, those are the first week of the madness. Technically the second week, but it’s the first week of full action. Here’s to a good season, less CTE, more great plays and lots of fun! Oh, and WHO DEY!

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Andy Dalton, #14, Quarterback for the Cincinnati Bengals
By Melissa Batson (Own work) [CC-BY-SA-3.0

Monday Morning Armchair Quarterback ~ Preseason, Week 1 ~ @meganslayer #football

This feature will be moving to Mondays, but this week it’s on Thursday. Hey, gotta switch things up from time to time. 🙂 It’s preseason, so it’s time to start laughing it up!!

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My Bengals aren’t in my local market area, so I didn’t get to see the game live, but I held my breath through parts of it. Whew. Driskel looked good, so I’m told and I’m hoping Dalton and McCarron just needed to knock the rust off. Mixon…I’m pulling for him and Ross. I think they’ve got what it takes to be impressive. Here’s to hoping so. I’m wanting better than a .500 season.

It’s time for the preseason quotes. There were a few goodies from the Hall of Fame game that didn’t quite make the cut last time around, but they’re here now! Let’s get started.

“Asked him to move inside.” 

Yeah, you can’t pause for too long or it’s uncomfortable.

“He gets beat and beat by a good one.”

If he’s not moving, then most anything would beat him. Just sayin’. It’s not a race. Sometimes you’ve got to move.

“He gets bunched up before he turns the corner.”

Well…if he’s got a bit of a curve to him, then that could be a problem. No wonder he’s not moving.

“Sliding in the pocket.”

There we go. He’s got it now. Just needed a little…push.

“Hauls this one in–good hands.”

Yeah, he is good. Now that he’s got his mojo…look out!

Now for those wonderful quotes this week from the various preseason games. You won’t want to miss these.

“Can get very sloppy.”

He just used a little too much lube. It’s all good.

“Providing some heat up in there.”

Ah…hot sauce play.  If that’s your fetish…

“Getting manhandled up front.”

If he’s the guy from before that wasn’t moving, then he’s got it coming. Can’t hold still for too long or that push will get you.

“A small crease.”

Because he is tight…

“Meets him in the back.”

They did say they were going on a date. Better to meet in the back than the front where the action is right away.

“The big guy up front will be tested on his endurance.”

As long as it’s not a pencil and paper test, he’ll be just fine.

And now for the Doozy of the Week…this is the one that had me scratching my head the longest or was just so far out there…I couldn’t believe it. Ready?

“Did he get the whole loaf out?”

Yeah… I’m not sure what he’s referencing. There are a couple ways this could be interpreted, but I’m pretty sure bread and football aren’t in the same sentence (usually). Thoughts? I mean, if he’s endowed with a loaf… holy cow… and if it’s the other kind…yeah, don’t want to see that.

Well, those are the first week of the madness. Technically the second week, but it’s the first week of full action. Here’s to a good season, less CTE, more great plays and lots of fun! Oh, and WHO DEY!

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Andy Dalton, #14, Quarterback for the Cincinnati Bengals
By Melissa Batson (Own work) [CC-BY-SA-3.0

Monday Morning Armchair Quarterback ~ S*u*per *Bowl*

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Soooo… I picked the Falcons. Honestly, the first 2/3 of the game looked like Brady hadn’t shown up. Oh well. Old Joe Buck got good and hard for a few players. But first, here’s the quotes and the honorable mentions

Let me show you some of those funnies.

There are Honorable Mentions from last week–like always–so…here we go…

“Able to split the gap.”

Better than being completely closed off.

“does a good job coming under the radar.”

He’s also good at cleaning up after himself, too.

Okay, time for the Quotes of the Week. These are a real rip. Always!

“able to stretch it, then get it going.”

When there’s a tight end, you have to prep.

“Those kinds of balls.” 

Are what? Pretty? Big? Bouncy?

“he’s a complete receiver with all he’s able to do.”

that’s why he’s the favorite.

“they’ve got a lot of ’em.”

Then there are a lot of favorites.

“the best strip team ever.”

That’s their side job.

And now for the Doozy of the Week. Oh my…

This one is all kinds of wrong. Just all kinds.

“Got a lot of weapons on them.”

Cuz he’s packin’!

Special Mention!!

I’m going to start this next year if Joe Buck continues to be an announcer in the 2017-2018 season.

The Joe Buck Boner.

Every week, Joe Buck picks a player that is his favorite. He might say he’s equal opportunity, but come on… He really likes his favorites.

This week? Oh, since it was the big game, Joe didn’t hold back. Not only did he have one, but he went for the threesome. To be fair, he was only on Matt Ryan’s bandwagon when the Falcons were on top. Once they sank, he abandoned them. Then there was the number two guy…Julian Edelman. I like the guy. I do. But according to the Buck-ster, everyone on the team who caught a ball at one time or another was referred to as Julian Edelman. Danny Amendola and Chris Hogan aren’t Julian. Too bad Buck-ster couldn’t tell. Then there was the big poppy, grand-daddy of them all Buck Boner… for Tom Brady. Good Lord. Buck-ster couldn’t stop talking about him…once he was back on top or at least coming back. He’s handsome, he’s quick, he can’t scramble, but he’s this week’s Buck’s Boner…Tom Brady.

Thanks for reading and please check out the other posts from the rest of the week.

Enjoy!

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Andy Dalton, #14, Quarterback for the Cincinnati Bengals
By Melissa Batson (Own work) [CC-BY-SA-3.0

Monday Morning Armchair Quarterback ~ Championship Week

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Woo weee… This is getting interesting.

The quotes practically wrote themselves, too. Good grief, the announcers were definitely original this week.

Let me show you some of those funnies.

There are Honorable Mentions from last week–like always–so…here we go…

“Been getting more and more action.”

Because he’s cute and he cleans up well.

“he sees one getting off.”

And he’s pouting because he wants to be that one getting off.

Okay, time for the Quotes of the Week. These are a real rip. Always!

“He can match up and cover any tight end.”

But he’s more selective than just taking any tight end.

 “Doesn’t give these buy guys much help.” 

Because he’s being selective.

“Has a sack and a half.”

Meaning he’s a special one and he’s the favorite because he has those goods.

“Had to unload a lot sooner than he would’ve liked.”

He got extra excited and it happened. No harm, no foul.

“Loading the box.”

Wasn’t that the point?

And now for the Doozy of the Week. Oh my…

This one is all kinds of wrong. Just all kinds.

“He’s got to get smaller to stick it in there.”

Um… then this guy is like…bizarrely hung and pictures are needed.

Special Mention!!

I’m going to start this next year if Joe Buck continues to be an announcer in the 2017-2018 season.

The Joe Buck Boner.

Every week, Joe Buck picks a player that is his favorite. He might say he’s equal opportunity, but come on… He really likes his favorites.

This week? Why Aaron Rodgers was the Joe Buck Boner. No matter how lousy the game was, Joe couldn’t take his eyes off Aaron. It was sweet and disgusting at the same time. But you have to love Buck.

Thanks for reading and please check out the other posts from the rest of the week.

Enjoy!

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b688e-qb_andy_dalton

Andy Dalton, #14, Quarterback for the Cincinnati Bengals
By Melissa Batson (Own work) [CC-BY-SA-3.0