Monday Morning Armchair Quarterback, Regular Season, Week 2 #football #funny @meganslayer

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Who is going to beat the Bengals? Apparently the Ravens and the Texans. Oy…’tis been a tough week for the Bengal fans. At least we weren’t shut out of the second game. Still, it’s a bit painful.

So to easy my pain, how about the funny quotes of the week? These are all honorable mentions because so I can gather the second week quotes! 🙂 Next week…it’s game on. (I hope.)

Let’s get started.

“Came into the kiss.” 

Interesting.

“They pounded him.”

Maybe that’s what he wanted.

“Applying the pressure.”

Of course. They’re pounding him.

“Bang the round.”

So he’s part of a group getting pounding…gotcha.

Now for the Quotes from Week 2. Oh boy. Those sports casters really need to think before they speak. 

“They’ll rush three and drop eight so they’ll clog up the middle.”

Or it’s just a group thing and strategy.

“Going right after him in the slot.”

Hope they cleaned up after each other.

“He blew everyone away.”

Because he’s great in that slot.

“The tight end brought in from Indy.”

Sounds like he was a special order.

“Spread wide and to the right”

For those who need more direction for their play.

“He doesn’t go out ad could go all the way”

Isn’t that the point?

Now for the Doozy of the Week. There is always one quote that just…blows the mind. This one is a real ringer. 

“He’s a load inside.”

Yes, yes he is. He’s all man and I’m glad you noticed. Nothing like an observant commentator.

~ ~ ~

Side notes:

  • Someone explain to me the infatuation Collinsworth has with butts. He loves to draw on butts.
  • Why is Collinsworth obsessed with saying “Keeping Brady clean”? Will he wilt if he gets dirty? Inquiring minds want to know.
  • Oh and four interceptions for Dalton during the Ravens game. Good job. At least he didn’t have any during the Texans game and they were only at a four point deficit.

**Here’s to a good season, less CTE, more great plays and lots of fun! Oh, and WHO DEY!**

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Andy Dalton, #14, Quarterback for the Cincinnati Bengals
By Melissa Batson (Own work) [CC-BY-SA-3.0
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Monday Morning Armchair Quarterback, Regular Season, Week 1 #football #funny @meganslayer

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This is the first week of the regular season and whoopie!! Football!! I’m excited and a little nervous. Hey, the first time is always nerve-wracking. Hehe.

Now that the season has started, here are the remainder preseason quotes. These are all honorable mentions because so I can gather the official first week quotes! 🙂 Next week…it’s game on.

Let’s get started.

“Can’t lead with tight ends.” 

Who says?

“Immensely gifted.”

Well, if he’s one of those tight ends…I want to see for myself.

“He’s a pocket pleaser.”

Yeah, we need to see this one…for study.

“Really deep in the receiver position.”

He’s aiming to please.

“Uneven match up.”

Depends on how you look at it.

“Came with a big stick”

For those tight ends.

“They got a two tight end set.”

For the guy with the big stick.

“A whole lot of man.”

That’s one way of describing him. Hehehe.

~ ~ ~

Well, those are the quotes from the  rest week.

Here’s to a good season, less CTE, more great plays and lots of fun! Oh, and WHO DEY!

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Andy Dalton, #14, Quarterback for the Cincinnati Bengals
By Melissa Batson (Own work) [CC-BY-SA-3.0

Monday Morning Armchair Quarterback, Preseason Week 4 #football #funny @meganslayer

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The powers that be are arguing as to whether there should be four weeks of preseason or if it should be shorter. My quick answer is that I want football now… but my longer answer is this – the teams need more time, especially in-game time, to figure out who should stay and who might not be the best fit. They need the real-world experiences to test the players.  My Bengals haven’t fared well win-wise during the preseason and they managed to get John Ross hurt. Grr. But, Mixon looked good and hopefully Dalton will have the rust knocked off by the first week…which has two games in it because the Bengals are overachievers!!

Until the season starts, here are the preseason quotes. There were a few goodies from the second week that didn’t quite make the cut last time around, but they’re here now! Let’s get started.

“Not being able to find protection.” 

Trojans aren’t that hard to find…

“Everybody’s manned up on the inside.”

I bet that’s stuffed!

“Extends it out.”

Well, yeah, because everyone’s on the inside.

“Quick hips.”

He’s aiming to please.

“I remember when the #9 used to deliver a blow.”

As opposed to using his quick hips.

Now for those wonderful quotes this week from the various preseason games. You won’t want to miss these.

“Fires to a wide-open player.”

Better than handing off to one who is busy.

“Uneven matchup.”

Missed the wide open one, didn’t you?

“In the red zone, you don’t need that much, but you take what you need.”

I’m sure he can find satisfaction…eventually.

“Power edge.”

Someone took the bdsm slant this week.

“A lot of pressure from within.”

Because it’s still super full.

“Immensely gifted.”

That must be how he can get so much pressure on the inside.

And now for the Doozy of the Week…this is the one that had me scratching my head the longest or was just so far out there…I couldn’t believe it. Ready?

“He’s a better pocket pleaser.”

That’s why we keep him around. He knows how to make everyone happy.

~ ~ ~

Well, those are the quotes from the third week of the madness.

Here’s to a good season, less CTE, more great plays and lots of fun! Oh, and WHO DEY!

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Andy Dalton, #14, Quarterback for the Cincinnati Bengals
By Melissa Batson (Own work) [CC-BY-SA-3.0

Monday Morning Armchair Quarterback, Preseason Week 3 #football #funny @meganslayer

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It’s high time the season gets started. I’m all for preseason, but come on. I need the regular season to get here! It’s time.  Until I get my way, it’s time for the preseason quotes. There were a few goodies from the second week that didn’t quite make the cut last time around, but they’re here now! Let’s get started.

“Looks more powerful coming forward.” 

Is that like 3-D…it’s coming right at you?

“Shootin’ the gaps.”

Better to aim at them, than around them.

“I see more of his power.”

Now that he’s here, yep, you can see more of his…er…power.

“Check the release times.”

He’s on a timer? Interesting. Or very BDSM-y. 🙂

“A lot to clean up.”

Well, if he’s all messy, then it goes without saying.

Now for those wonderful quotes this week from the various preseason games. You won’t want to miss these.

“Get deep because they can see more.”

Better than shallow and unsatisfied.

“Powerful lower body.”

If he’s going to get deep, then he’d better be powerful.

“He didn’t get as much as he wants.”

I’m sure he can find satisfaction.

“Will give him as much as he can handle.”

See? They’re pacing him.

“Short underneath.”

Nope. Just a bad camera angle.

“Sack Master.”

See? I told you it was just a bad camera angle.

And now for the Doozy of the Week…this is the one that had me scratching my head the longest or was just so far out there…I couldn’t believe it. Ready?

“Take a little bit and drop it in over the top.”

Sounds like a puppy pile to me, but might be fun.

~ ~ ~

Well, those are the quotes from the third week of the madness.

Here’s to a good season, less CTE, more great plays and lots of fun! Oh, and WHO DEY!

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Andy Dalton, #14, Quarterback for the Cincinnati Bengals
By Melissa Batson (Own work) [CC-BY-SA-3.0

Monday Morning Armchair Quarterback ~ Preseason, Week 2 #football @meganslayer

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Still haven’t seen my Bengals this season, but it won’t be long before I do. I’ll get there.  Until then, it’s time for the preseason quotes. There were a few goodies from the first week that didn’t quite make the cut last time around, but they’re here now! Let’s get started.

“He’s as fast as they come.” 

Which is why he’s a favorite.

“From the money pocket.”

He moved fast, which is why he found that money pocket so fast.

“A wobbly one.”

He swings low, sweet chariot.

“Tight splits.”

Hmm…bring lube.

“Playing with his hands.”

Got to work in those tight splits somehow.

Now for those wonderful quotes this week from the various preseason games. You won’t want to miss these.

“Cannot have penetration in the backfield”

He wants it all in the front field.

“Gotta slide and get your body around it.”

We’re back to those tight splits, eh? Sounds more like wrestling.

“We gotta check that and get the ball tucked away so it doesn’t get out.”

If he’s the guy who is swinging low, then yeah, you might want to tuck that back in.

“Undersized but has a little wiggle to him.”

He’s popular…

“We’ve got to pick it up; they’ve had their way with us for too long.”

Sure do if you want to keep things even.

“A lot of length on their line.”

If it’s a suck line, then it might be worth it. Gotta try every one.

And now for the Doozy of the Week…this is the one that had me scratching my head the longest or was just so far out there…I couldn’t believe it. Ready?

“Loves to use tight ends in the offense.”

Well, if there are lines and lengths, then you’ve got to use them as an offense. Got to have something between you and the rest of the team.

Well, those are the first week of the madness. Technically the second week, but it’s the first week of full action. Here’s to a good season, less CTE, more great plays and lots of fun! Oh, and WHO DEY!

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Andy Dalton, #14, Quarterback for the Cincinnati Bengals
By Melissa Batson (Own work) [CC-BY-SA-3.0

Monday Morning Armchair Quarterback ~ Preseason, Week 1 ~ @meganslayer #football

This feature will be moving to Mondays, but this week it’s on Thursday. Hey, gotta switch things up from time to time. 🙂 It’s preseason, so it’s time to start laughing it up!!

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My Bengals aren’t in my local market area, so I didn’t get to see the game live, but I held my breath through parts of it. Whew. Driskel looked good, so I’m told and I’m hoping Dalton and McCarron just needed to knock the rust off. Mixon…I’m pulling for him and Ross. I think they’ve got what it takes to be impressive. Here’s to hoping so. I’m wanting better than a .500 season.

It’s time for the preseason quotes. There were a few goodies from the Hall of Fame game that didn’t quite make the cut last time around, but they’re here now! Let’s get started.

“Asked him to move inside.” 

Yeah, you can’t pause for too long or it’s uncomfortable.

“He gets beat and beat by a good one.”

If he’s not moving, then most anything would beat him. Just sayin’. It’s not a race. Sometimes you’ve got to move.

“He gets bunched up before he turns the corner.”

Well…if he’s got a bit of a curve to him, then that could be a problem. No wonder he’s not moving.

“Sliding in the pocket.”

There we go. He’s got it now. Just needed a little…push.

“Hauls this one in–good hands.”

Yeah, he is good. Now that he’s got his mojo…look out!

Now for those wonderful quotes this week from the various preseason games. You won’t want to miss these.

“Can get very sloppy.”

He just used a little too much lube. It’s all good.

“Providing some heat up in there.”

Ah…hot sauce play.  If that’s your fetish…

“Getting manhandled up front.”

If he’s the guy from before that wasn’t moving, then he’s got it coming. Can’t hold still for too long or that push will get you.

“A small crease.”

Because he is tight…

“Meets him in the back.”

They did say they were going on a date. Better to meet in the back than the front where the action is right away.

“The big guy up front will be tested on his endurance.”

As long as it’s not a pencil and paper test, he’ll be just fine.

And now for the Doozy of the Week…this is the one that had me scratching my head the longest or was just so far out there…I couldn’t believe it. Ready?

“Did he get the whole loaf out?”

Yeah… I’m not sure what he’s referencing. There are a couple ways this could be interpreted, but I’m pretty sure bread and football aren’t in the same sentence (usually). Thoughts? I mean, if he’s endowed with a loaf… holy cow… and if it’s the other kind…yeah, don’t want to see that.

Well, those are the first week of the madness. Technically the second week, but it’s the first week of full action. Here’s to a good season, less CTE, more great plays and lots of fun! Oh, and WHO DEY!

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Andy Dalton, #14, Quarterback for the Cincinnati Bengals
By Melissa Batson (Own work) [CC-BY-SA-3.0

Monday Morning Armchair Quarterback ~ Hall of Fame Game Edition ~ @meganslayer #football

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My Bengals didn’t play in the Hall of Fame game and that’s okay. The season will come soon enough. Until then, there were some great quotes from the game. The Cardinals and Cowboys were interesting and the comments were hilarious!!!

Now, about those quotes…

“They won’t see action tonight.” 

Why not? Were they in a time out?

“to present you.”

Must mean I’m out of time out.

“He was a stunning man.”

He is a stud.

“He came off the edge.”

He’s the man.

“You don’t want to end up getting involved with those guys.”

Because they play on the edge? If that’s your fetish…

“Could he get in and be trouble with the tight ends?”

Gotta give him time to decide what he wants to do before you give him hell.

Stay tuned for the preseason quotes and once the preseason starts, look for the honorable mentions that didn’t quite make the cut from this game. You won’t want to miss it!

 

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Andy Dalton, #14, Quarterback for the Cincinnati Bengals
By Melissa Batson (Own work) [CC-BY-SA-3.0