I have to start this review for 50 Shades of Grey with the following disclaimer: I only got 20 pages into the book before I couldn’t handle it and threw it across the room.
Sounds mean, doesn’t it? Lots of people loved the book. Lots. It’s funny because BDSM and that sort of play doesn’t bother me. I play. But I had lots of problems with the way the BDSM was portrayed in the book. The movie was no better. If possible, it was worse.
Jamie Dornan was the worst actor for the role of Grey. Or maybe he was the best. If he was supposed to be that wooden and hard to understand, then great. He nailed it. If he was supposed to have ANY sort of redeeming qualities and not come off as creepy and pervy, then they really missed the mark.
Dakota Johnson wasn’t any better. Her flip-flopping bothered me. The innocent factor should’ve been there, but wasn’t. This role seemed to be above her head. The dialogue was horrible. So flat. The scenes were almost too over the top. Let’s fight, then go for a flight in an experimental plane? Um…no.
Then there were the play scenes. I don’t know who decided they should be done the way they were, but I wasn’t turned on or even mildly titillated by them. I wanted to smack Grey and ask Anna what the hell she was thinking. Good example…when she says she needs to know how it feels to be broken like him. Broken? Okay, explain…maybe show her, but to fully, complete might whack her with the belt… A – she wouldn’t had serious welts after two whacks. B – you can be fucked up all you want, but a little verbal description would’ve been nice. C – I didn’t get the catharsis or the thrill of it. The scene turned me off. I didn’t see how someone who has no experience with sex (Anna) could get right into BDSM without much thought. Seriously. How did she know what she’d like/not like in the playroom without any real idea of what she liked/didn’t like in the bedroom? And him being a 26 yr old billionaire…it happens. Look at the celebutants. It can happen. But the way Grey conducted himself… Just no.
When I started watching this movie as a comedy, rather than a romance, I enjoyed it much more–and I still hated it. I’ll be honest. I didn’t like it. I thought the movie was foolish and ridiculous. Not romantic or fantastic or even having a kernel of fantasy to it. Simply dumb. Maybe you’ll think otherwise. I don’t know. Will I watch Darker? Um…that’s a big no.